Brian
I am not sure who has heard of the story of Nicole and Brian, a single Unschooling mom and her 16 year old son that lived in Hawaii. Nicole passed away a few months ago and Brian had become a ward of the state (if you can imagine how difficult that is, going from a great Unschooling life to losing your mom to being a ward of the state). His birth father was not a part of his life and it seems that no one else was either. So there are some fantastic Unschooling mamas who have been working tirelessly to try and get custody of Brian so he can move in with an Unschooling family.
Here is the cover letter (that they gave to the state) to help try and get custody:
Our family includes Michael, Amy, and our two sons, Fisher (age 14) and Riley (age 8). Below is the history of our relationship with Brian and his mother. Following that is an outline of why our family would be a good fit for Brian.
Brian’s mother, Nicole, was a friend of our family. We met Brian and Nicole at a homeschooling camping trip in New York State in June 2006, though we had been corresponding through an online support group since October of 2005. When we met in person, our son Fisher hit it off with Nicole’s son Brian, playing pretend games and video games together. Nicole and Brian spent a fair amount of time at our cabin, and we all talked often. During that time Nicole shared stories about their years in New Zealand, talked about her approach to parenting, and shared dried organic fruit that she had grown, harvested and prepared. We found both Nicole and Brian delightful.
Online, we read about their Nicole’s and Brian’s lives in Hawaii: their work in organic farming, making trips into town, checking out materials from the library on a broad range of topics, and curling up at home to watch movies.
Over the years, Nicole and Amy found they shared a love of obscure Polish music, Polish film, and the writings of Carl Jung and Joseph Campbell. Nicole and Amy had a similar way of looking at life; as Nicole wrote, when facing challenges, she asked not, “What is lacking or out of order here?”, but: “What great myth is being lived here; what great gift is being bestowed?”
In raising children, we also found we shared a similar philosophy with Nicole. None of us used physical punishment, but instead had learned to work with our children to problem-solve and address underlying needs. We all believed in listening to our children and offering gentle but honest feedback as they tried out solutions and ideas. We believed in staying as calm and loving as possible in all situations so we could remain a steadying influence for our children. And mostly, we all just really liked our kids (and each other’s), and liked to spend time with them, playing, reading, watching movies, having snacks, and hanging out. When we needed parenting support, we reached out to our online community and to each other.
When Nicole got sick, she let us know through our online community, and we sent money to help with the medical bills. We were so saddened and shocked to hear that she was dying. At that point we realized Brian was on Facebook, and we connected with him that way. We definitely recognized the boy we’d met when he was ten in this tall teenager with a great sense of humor. We were so glad to reconnect.
When Nicole died, we sent money again, this time for Brian’s expenses. Though we were far away, we reached out and let him know that he wasn’t alone in his grieving. We understood he was living with a family friend, and we kept in touch. When we found out through Facebook that his guardian had given him up and he was a ward of the court, we immediately started working with our close-knit online community to see what we could do.
As we have explored solutions, our family has become the clear choice take Brian in. We know him, we knew Nicole, and we share Nicole’s approach to parenting and education. Amy is a former public school teacher who stays at home full-time to homeschool our two sons; we are well-connected with both national and local homeschooling communities. We are able to homeschool Brian in the way that Nicole did. In addition, we have numerous options for helping him make the transition to adulthood. We know many homeschooled children who have become productive adults and would be happy to explore those options with Brian. We are prepared to support him financially in his choices, and we will work to offer the kind of guidance needed by a young man entering the adult world. In our community there are options for G.E.D. completion, community college, and various kinds of apprenticeships and internships.
We are also well-supported by extended family, close community ties and local friends, as well as the close-knit online community of families that included Nicole and Brian, all of whom we have met in person at one time or another. We have references for grief counselors who will work with Brian as he mourns his mother’s death. We are in the process of adding a bedroom for Brian to our house – a 3000-square-foot (including basement) suburban home in Grand Rapids, Michigan. We definitely have room for him, both in our home and our hearts.
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